Thursday, September 2, 2010

To be continued...

Spike's Peeps,

Look for more of him.


Infamous Spike's Night Out. 7.

Out of Control,

Initially, I felt bad for Spike. Now, not so much... He has decided that break dancing in piles of yay, it's cold in snow, is the the dopest sh*t, ever. I, on the other hand am embarrassed and have his father on the line, ready to fly him home, immediately.

Mogwais got talent?

Attention: No actual drugs were used in making this production.

Infamous Spike's Night Out. 6.

Beyond Help,

Spike, is clearly going to die at a young age. It may seem harsh, but, it's true. His lack of self control, has resulted in him using a straw to reach the stars.

New lengths.

Attention: No actual drugs were used in making this production.

Infamous Spike's Night Out. 5.

Immediately Noticed,

As soon as I saw Spike dancing to "My Way", by Usher, it was obvious. Obvious, that he was what he called " jigged out". "What's my mutha' fkcin' name? JIGGA!!..." That's what he would sing while throwing up all kinds of random hand signs. I got this pic from the local tabloid at CVS.

Bad, Bad, Spike.

Attention: No actual drugs were used in making this production.

Infamous Spike's Night Out. 4.

Ladies Man,

Spike charmed his way into this waitress' hand for a ride out front, to his bike. Spike often disappeared and when he did, drugs were normally involved. Sad, but true. Spike has been addicted to them for years. We don't condone or support his drug use.

Special Spike.

Infamous Spike's Night Out. 3.

Spike's Shenanigans,

Just before putting on his goggles and diving in, he takes a drink for the cam. Yes, yes, annoying... Clearly, he is unconcerned of what his probation officer would say, if word got out, about his drinking.

Spike who?

Infamous Spike's Night Out . 2.

Well, Of course...

Spike orders his first drink of the night, called an "Infusion", or some girly sh*t. Being the narcissist that he is, he immediately poses by his pink drink. I being the mother that I am, take his pic. After all, Spike's real parents left him at Neiman Marcus, downtown, where I found him in the the lingerie dept.

Spike is metro.

Infamous Spike's Night Out. 1.


Spike is notoriously known for his partying and way with the ladies. He is often referred to as the "Tony Montana" in the mogwai community.

He went out with us and decided to party like a rock star, against our wishes. We're on our International Tour, and are often photographed. Even stalked at times, which is weird. Anyhoo, back on topic. That being Spike.

His night begins...

Monday, August 23, 2010

The Evening is Hot!

Hello Peeps,

Well, the "scene" is great. Bohemian style dresses with strappy heels that remind me of LA. Ladies, the men in this city seem to stay in the gym and are gentlemen. Apparently, the word is out about the "Bad Kids". Monica was asked to sign autographs at the hotel's lobby, as we headed to dinner. It looks like we are all going to head out, for another night on the town. Or, reconvene tomorrow for brunch?! Myself and Alyssa are contemplating a night at the hot tub and beauty rest... Either way, this city's night life is off the chain and consumes you.

Ciao, Molly.

Sunday, August 22, 2010

BKGtH Invades Chi~town.

Yo, Chicago!
As we pull into the city it seems to consume us with it's energy. Not sure yet if this place is ready for the full take over, that is about to occur. One of our baddest kids, Dana, has us over at her swanky spot in Downtown. As we all get fly for the evening, cocktails are being poured. The view is amazing and of course, Molly is taking forever, so everyone is getting anxious. Miss Alyssa is looking extra hot this evening in her new Gucci heels. We are all finally ready and the driver is here!

Stay tuned, for the shenanigans that follow...

Monday, May 17, 2010

oops, I did it again.

Urban Legend?

DAUGHTER: Daddy, I want to borrow your new Ferrari.

FATHER: Uh. But I haven't had a chance to drive my car yet. It's only got 9 miles on it.

DAUGHTER: (pouty) But daaaaaaaddddd...

FATHER: Sweetie, it's worth $1,000,000. Just drive the Bentley, okay? Please?

DAUGHTER: (more pouty) But daaaaaaaddddddyyyyyyy...

FATHER: Oh, jeee-zus. Okay, but just around the block. If you even scratch it, there will be hell to pay, understand?

DAUGHTER: Yeah,yeah,yeah...


Ring, Ring. Ring, Ring.

FATHER: (answering phone) Hello?

DAUGHTER: (long pause on phone line) Uh, dad?

The story ends with the father hanging up the phone and forgetting he even had a daughter. Later that day, he emptied the family joint bank account and hightailed it to Argentina. He's now quite happy living under the name 'Keith Krush', and working as a super star DJ.

Monday, May 3, 2010

Superman Sex Tapes?

Look.. we here at Bad Kids Go to Hell totally lay down to the awesomeness of another blog, and you just can't beat CRACKED for their top 5 and top 10 lists..

And so... yeah... Superman made a sex tape.

Fuck you, Tommy Lee. Eat shit, Paris. You're a complete amateur, R. Kelly.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Social networking, my eye!

"Let me repeat that - there is absolutely, positively no reason for any middle school student to be a part of a social networking site! None." - NJ Principal (attempting to move the planets).

Well, there's no reason for any middle school kid to play football for that matter. Kids get hurt, injured. Or join the Science Club (Future meth heads, start your engines!). Or to participate in a middle school dance. (As the Eagle's said, "There'll be a heartache tonight... ) Not to mention the fucked up shit that kids can watch after school at their best friend, Jimmy's house whose dad subscribes to EVERY porn channel possible.

Teacher: "Hey Billy, what did you do after school?"

Billy: "Me and Jimmy watched 'Jugg Fuckers #9' on Skin-o-max. It was awesome."

Teacher: 'Oo."

Quite frankly, a social networking site doesn't register a tick-turd's worth of harm or psychological trauma on the grand scale of life in the "middle school fast lane."

Jesus, haven't you figured it out: School is dangerous. School is a diabolical adventure. School is a series of jumps, twits, front-flips, and other acrobatic Jackie Chan-like moves performed daily, in between the hours of 8:30 am and 3:30 pm.

Hell, school causes cancer. (No, seriously.. those soy burgers?! What DO they put in those things? Ground up midgets?)

I admire them being concerned parents, but the best way to protect your kid from bad people is to talk to them. Like, about everything. And make sure they're not nuts. And if they are, put 'em in therapy. And talk with 'em some more and keep tabs on them without smothering them. And then talk with 'em EVEN more. (See a pattern?)

You signed up to be a parent, but don't put the kibosh on every single social thing your kids want to do -- it will just agitate the situation. And somehow, I don't think Social Networking should be at the top of your list.

And there's too much crazy shit around the corner.

'Cause I'm telling you, when this 3D Virtual Reality porn hits the TV... whoa, baby...

You know what...let's just leave the social networking to the parents...

Facebook, Twitter Revolutionizing How Parents Stalk Their College-Aged Kids

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

3 Step Solution to Bullying

All kidding aside, if you are ever bullied - DO NOT KILL YOURSELF.

In response to the recent events surrounding who is to blame for the suicide of high school student Phoebe Prince as a result of bullying by her schoolmates, we have come up with a 3 step solution in lieu of taking one's own life:

1. First, buy a pair of brass knuckles. They can be found at most Army/Navy stores OR you can find them online..

2. Next, buy some heavy duty industrial mace. Not that department store shit, I mean the stuff the cops use..

3. Wait until next confrontation with your bully(s). Spray the bully(s) in the face with the mace, (the beauty of the spray is that you can hit several bullies at once very quickly), then hit them repeatedly with the brass knuckles.

This 3 step process will catapult the bully(s) into a whole new reality.

I'm pretty sure the bullying will stop, for at least 3 to 4 weeks while they are recuperating in the hospital. If necessary, visit them in the hospital close to their release and repeat the above 3 steps for even longer lasting results.

Or you could just do what these kids do...

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Massacre at Central High

We began our March signing and promotion tour in South Padre Island...
Spring Break 2010...Think "Girls Gone Wild" meets "Bad Kids Go to Hell" because that is exactly what it was...
As we get on our way from the southern tip of Texas up to the Great White North on our little road trip, we have become a little nostalgic for what has brought us to this we started looking up some youtube videos of trailers of some of our favorite movies...and as we stop in Nashville to do some promoting, we remembered a certain movie that is very inspirational to us...After viewing the trailer you will understand why...
Sure, you knew "Heathers" and "The Breakfast Club" influenced "Bad Kids Go to Hell." But we bet you never saw "Massacre at Central High!" And if you are the baddest!
This is as classic as it appreciate it for all it's worth...or else we may have to whip out a clip of "The Dynamite Girls"...(the precursor to "Thelma & Louise")...

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

More Dynamite Than J.J. Evans!

Okay, so last Friday I was lucky enough to make a midnight screening of "Black Dynamite," at the Inwood Theater in Dallas, Texas.

Although the film has been out on DVD and Blu-Ray for several weeks, the theater seemed like a better way to experience this "bad assss" homage to the blaxploitation films of the 1970’s. The theater was recently refurbished, replacing standard movie theater chairs with couches and beanbags...and by recently, I mean that I was actually able to find for me and my bitches a comfy beanbag that hadn't yet been stained by delicious fruity sodas or other fluids of the night! (How perfect fo' this flick.)

"Black Dynamite" was fan-fuckin-tastic! It knocked out my two front teeth with a roundhouse kick of black fury! From start to finish, this mother fuckin' kung-fu flick never let up on the action or comedy! The constant jump-cuts, the frame penetrating shotgun mic’s, and the characters (Crème Corn, Sweetmeat, and my personal favorite: Tasty Freeze) made this movie feel like an ACTUAL blaxploitation film. And, of course, "Black Dynamite" is filled with memorable dialogue that kind of sticks:

"Fiendish Doctor Wu! You done fucked up now!" and "You diabolical dick shrinkin’ mother fuckers!" just to name a couple that I'll be sure to be repeating for quite some time...and most definitely to be read in some of my future blog postings, when there's just no other way to express what I'm saying.

So, the next day after seeing the movie, I found myself at the rental store trying to find a copy of "Black Dynamite." Sadly, all of the copies had been rented, and I was forced to go home Black Dynamite-less wearing a big frown on my face. (Hopefully, with the success of this movie there might be a sequel to continue the amazing adventure of Black Dynamite).

If you haven’t seen "Black Dynamite" yet, please do so. Once you do, your movie collection will not only grow by 1, but you'll be satisfied knowing that America has been made just that much more bad ass.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Don't Hurt 'Em, Hammer.

Apparently, "The Hurt Locker" is being thrown into the hurt locker for not being so accurate.

Now, let me be clear: The Doors NEVER drove into the desert and dropped acid. There was NO mysterious Mister X that "broke it down" to Jim Garrison about who might have wanted JFK killed. And Jack the Ripper was NOT a member of ANY royal family , (NOR a Freemason) who killed whores in a cover up!

So WHY would you think any EOD team member would ACTUALLY run around Iraq like a cowboy (with wire cutters?!?!) defusing deadly explosives and shit, while putting other team members at risk?

If it's on celluloid, it's just one thing: Entertainment.

And in its defense, a damn good piece of entertainment at that. Please give this movie the Oscar!

And "yes," even the Michael Moore stuff is nothing but entertainment, bitches. They don't ACTUALLY give you guns at a bank.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

When the pupil becomes the master


Mania, Mania, fellas are selling yourselves (and your list) waaay short...because while I agree that most of the titles & story lines on your list would make great animated features -- I believe numbers 10, 8, and 3 should be used as the basis for the LIVE ACTION films! Especially on the forthcoming revamp of the "Daredevil" film franchise -- AND the dismal story/ plots of the previous "Punisher" and "Silver Surfer" ("Fantastic 4") movies, a shot of adrenaline would help what ails these films. (What the fuck was that last FF4 film about anyway? Saving the planet, or how to make toast?)

I'd gladly see mafia widows thirsty for Frank Castle's blood as opposed to XYZ film actor as the heavy (casting directors, please stop shoving Travolta down our throats - It really AIN'T cool. )...

Give me a clean and understandable S.S. / Galactus story anytime...

AND the days we're living in DEMAND a "Daredevil down on his luck and in financial straights" film. The Kingpin was never so evil as when he played judge, jury and IRS auditor with poor Mr. Murdock.

If only Hollywood were that smart.

Well...then I, uh...guess I wouldn't be bloggin' 'bout this.

Monday, February 22, 2010

That's what I'm talking about, Willis!

Go back to 1986, listen to 'Flock of Seagulls', watch Don Johnson kick ass on Miami Vice.. and actually see MUSIC VIDEOS on MTV!

How many 80's teen, sex romp ski movies can YOU name?

Ah!! Don't think too hard - just go see this film.

If you don't, the terrorists win.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

schools spying on kids at home

thanks to the good people at boingboing for uncovering this week's topic in school news...
brought to you by the not so good people of lower merion school district in pennsylvania who decided that one way to handle their "bad kids" was to have its schools use student laptop webcams to spy on the little bastards not just at school but at their homes as well...
1984?'s 2010 in the nanny states of america!
oh this cannot's absurd...crazy...ridiculous..there's just no way...
WAY! and it's even worse than you think when you read the actual civil court filing...
"next week on 'to catch a predator' chris hansen surprises 7th grade social studies teacher at home sitting by her computer, sipping on a glass of cabernet, watching her favorite little bad boy get ready for bed..."
this is worse than robot teachers invading the classrooms!

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Apparently, bad service can get you killed!

So.. a dude claiming to be a member of the Saudi royal family is being questioned by police on suspicion of murder after one of his servants was found strangled to death at the five-star Landmark Hotel in Marylebone, Central London.

'Royal Dude' told police he was a prince of the Saudi royal family, and was arrested several hours after the discovery of a body at the Landmark Hotel. Royal Dude is believed to have been in London as a tourist and flew around the world accompanied by his aide.

The suspect (Royal Dude) told police he was a cousin of King Abdullah. Following his arrest on Monday evening, police sources said Royal Dude is not covered by diplomatic immunity,

The victim, part of the Royal Dude's entourage, was found dead in a suite by a maid, having suffered severe head injuries in the attack.

Okay, now some FREE advice for all the other royal dudes in Saudi Arabia.. or where ever other royal dudes live.

If your servant, or slave, or whatever.. gets uppity with you, make said servant take off all their clothes and (based on their gender) dance either the 'jiggly weiner dance'.. or (my fave) the 'jiggly boobies dance'. Maybe throw a few cream pies at them while they do this. Maybe even film it, and post the whole dance on YouTube.


What ever happened to an old fashioned spanking?

Saturday, February 13, 2010

chick fights on the rise

I've seen one full on, bare-knuckled 'chick fight' my whole life. (And these were rich WHITE chicks. A very rare bird. Like 'Dodo bird rare', son ! ). Was it hot, you ask? Well, if the girls were hot it mighta been hotter. But they wasn't. Two ugly girls fighting? Much less attractive. Boner shrinker. F-U-G-L-Y. Because we guys are ugly and you girls are pretty, and the allure of a chick fight is that suddenly you've gone medieval on each other. Apparently it's happening more often. I blame all the 'growth hormones' in the food. Over the years, it's made you ladies' boobs bigger (yay), your periods stronger (boo), and your estrogen levels skyrocket (hmm).

I will admit that two hot girls fighting is definitely captivating. But I'm a lover, not a fighter.. therefore, two hot girls 'making up', after a fight? NOW you're talking, Buckwheat. So women, the moral of this blog is: Make love, not war. 'Cause it's hot.

On another note, ladies - learn to head butt - it'll end the fight quick, you won't get a bunch of nasty scratches, and you can get back to your wine cooler.

Girl FIghts Mix - Funny home videos are a click away